My Mediocre Sex Magic Last Night is the Epitome of Neo Tantra

You thought learning "Tantra" would make you better at sex. More orgasms, more magnetism, more embodiment! Yay! But that's not what actually happens. As you enter into your body at first, it's probably going to suck. There's a reason you've been avoiding it all these years. I see it happen again and again. Neo Tantra isn't about feeling more pleasure, it's about feeling what you've been avoiding!

When you first get in there you'll find: the anxiety you've been bypassing, the grief in your chest, the rage in your pelvic floor, numbness, so much numbness, and the performative parts that have convinced you it's all ok until now. The work doesn't create these pieces; they've been there all along. Somewhere along the way you've just pushed them out of your awareness. But they waited until right now.

Neo Tantra doesn't amplify pleasure, it amplifies awareness in the body. And that's not always comfortable. Most people aren't blocked from pleasure. There's actually pleasure living under all this noise all the time. They're blocked from exposure to sensation.

Pleasure requires: relaxation, truth, surrender, loss of control, being seen. If your nervous system equates exposure with danger, then pleasure will shut down. And, to be clear, it's not because you're broken! This is a totally natural state. It's actually designed to protect you! It does this because you are adaptive!

A lot of people see Neo Tantra aesthetics, and assume it's all about white linen clothes, gently smiling with your eyes closed as you spin in a circle, and gentle pleasure to melodic tunes. They assume it's breathing into your heart until the world feels soft again, using sacred language to avoid conflict, or staying calm instead of getting angry. But this is not the path of Neo Tantra. This is the image of it. And we all know the online image is far from real life.

Neo Tantra can sometimes be admitting you don't want to have sex tonight, or that you want it to be rough and not focus on breathing so much. It's about the moment of realization that you're in performance, and giving yourself grace and love here, too. It's about being so honest with yourself that you admit you're bored in pleasure sometimes. And it's so much more than these things, too.

Neo Tantra is about living in radical truth with yourself and those around you. It's not peak sexual experiences every moment. Sometimes it's admitting you feel broken and ungrounded and upset. Those are all valuable moments, too!

I know I've been there. Just last night I had to drag myself into doing Sex Magick on the 3/3 portal during the eclipse blood moon while ovulating! I admitted to myself I was tired, I was bored, I was sore from my workout, I was not aroused. I didn't want to expand pleasure. I don't know why. So, I journaled after my chanting practice at 9 o'clock at night. I gave myself every excuse to not do it. And seeing the sad excuses written on the page was enough to motivate me to start.

Was it the most explosive beginning to a sexual experience? No! It was tired, a little sore, not very active. I wasn't making a lot of noise. But I was allowing myself to feel the sensations in my body. Those sensations just happened to be low key. As I built pleasure and gave myself permission for this to be whatever it wanted to be, I started to feel more. By the end I was in full sensation and pleasure, basking in the sacred glow of a Sex Magick practice! (PS. If you want to know my secrets to Sex Magick, go to my Video Vault to get the full workshop at www.lonateachesbliss.com/vault)

That's Neo Tantra! The permission to let life be life, and to still find ways back to the body! I could've just as easily not done the practice and be celebrating myself for listening to my body. Neo Tantra is about being real in this moment. And that will always include the difficult moments. Not avoiding them, but being real with them, too.

So, why do so many people experience more pleasure when they do this? Because pleasure expands where it's allowed to be real. It expands when you tell the truth, even after you just lied. It expands when you allow your body to react honestly, and don't stay silent. It expands when you stop trying to be "good" and start being real. I gave myself permission for the pleasure to be mediocre, and it became beautiful.

It's not about being blissful. It's about being real enough that bliss actually has somewhere to land in your body. So, stop falling for the aesthetic of Neo Tantra. And start living in radical truth of it.

INSPIRED ACTION: Focus on the sensations in your body right now. Where does it feel alive? Where does it feel numb? Where is your performance getting in the way? Give the numbness permission to be here, and see what happens next.