Everyone is Going Boy Sober, But Goddess Celibacy Goes Deeper!

#boysober is going viral again, and I love/hate this. It started when Roe v. Wade got overturned as a protest to anyone controlling women and feminine bodies. But I think some people are missing a key aspect. I call it Goddess Celibacy, and it's how you let pleasure lead even when there's no partner around.

Women and femmes, especially, have been doing this for generations. When it feels like there are no viable partners around who are worthy of giving up the juiciest, most ecstatic parts of ourselves to then it's easy to say NOPE altogether.

There are a few different reasons we choose to pull back from partnered sex. Hookup culture is often depleting, and sometimes really harmful. Dating apps feel like a full time job! Your last relationship was a dumpster fire. And now add in the protest angle, and we've got a laundry list of reasons we use to stop dating, fucking, and searching.

Three of my friends right now are going through a celibacy phase. I don't think that's a coincidence for the time we're living in. Rape academies, the Epstein files, women getting arrested for miscarriages, court ordered c-sections, and watching women and femmes around the world getting killed for standing up feels like a pretty dark time. It can be totally normal for you to want to pull away from the dating and hookup scene.

Every reason is valid. So, let me introduce to you: Goddess Celibacy!

It's a reclamation of pleasure outside of partnered sex. Just because you aren't having partnered sex doesn't mean you have to completely neglect your sexuality! In fact, this can be one of the greatest times to fully embrace your unique sexual flow.

And if you have a cervix, here's where to start! The cervix is often one of the most neglected and numb parts of female sexual anatomy. Most of the time the cervix is completely ignored. Most of us don't really think of that part as an integral aspect of your sexuality.

But it's highly innervated with a different nerve pathway than your clitoris. The clitoris carries somatic sensory signals, the kind of sensation you can consciously feel as direct, localized stimulation. It's fast, precise, and easy to map.

But the cervix is innervated by the pelvic splanchnic nerves (parasympathetic) ant the hypogastric nerve (sympathetic), which are part of the autonomic nervous system. This is why cervical sensation has such a different quality. It's more diffuse, pressure-based, and deeply internal. This is also why many women differ on how they feel cervical contact. Some feel intense pleasure, others feel pain, and others feel nothing at all.

Cervical pleasure has more to do with the state of your nervous system, than the state of your touch.

The vagus nerve also plays a role in the cervix. This means that people who have had a spinal cord injury could still feel pleasure in the cervix. With 3 diverging nerve pathways converging on the cervix, it's no wonder this is such a magical and mysterious place! Most women don't know much about their own cervix.

And yet, it can be a place of profound pleasure, wisdom, and relaxation. The body has pleasure pathways that most women have never switched on!

But what if you have experienced cervical pleasure, but just didn't know it? I think this is true for many women. Because sex is so focused on male pleasure, female pleasure is perplexing even to us. But since the nerve pathways are completely different from the clitoris, we can't compare the two!

And since the cervical nerves are connected to the nervous system instead of the sensory system, then safety, relaxation, and trust are all extra important to experience the vastness of pleasure that the cervix can provide.

All things that are much easier to do alone! When there's not another person around, it becomes incredibly easy to find safety, relaxation, and trust. Sure, some people will struggle with this (and if you do, then coaching would be a great option for you) but in general it's going to be easier by yourself.

So, why not use this dedicated time alone (boy sober) to expand your connection to your cervix! Here's a short practice to do daily that will help you expand your sensation.

Goddess Celibacy Daily Practice

1. Try this first thing in the morning, as it could be an energizing practice. But it could also work at night. Get your lube out!

2. Place your hands over your cervix, about halfway between your bellybutton and vulva, and ask her permission to touch. If you get a no, honor that and just do this practice with your energy.

3. Apply lube generously, and start by gently and slowly rubbing it on your clitoris. Breathe nice big inhales, and sign audibly on the exhale. No one is around to hear it or judge you!

4. After several breaths, get into a position you can reach your cervix with your fingers. About 80% of people can reach their own. There are a few positions that work best. In child's pose, in a deep squat, or on your back with a pillow under your lower back. If you can't reach today (it changes with your cycle), then get as close as you can without strain, and do the rest with your attention and energy.

5. Just touch the cervix. Be still. Hold your attention there. Breathe those big breaths with the sighs. Relax your body.

6. After a few breaths, gently come back out and rub the clitoris gently and slowly again, breathing the same as before.

7. Go back and forth between the clitoris and the cervix like this a few times, maybe starting to make small circles or doing soft taps on the cervix. Keep breathing big breaths and sighs.

8. Start to connect the sensation in the cervix to the center of your brain. You're remapping the cervix into your awareness again!

9. Close by placing your fingers on the clitoris and streaming universal loving energy through your cervix and brain and body, connecting you to this energetic flow in your life.

10. Thank your cervix for her lessons today, and maybe journal about what wisdom, guidance, or lessons you gained.

This practice can also be done if you don't have a cervix! The energy of the cervix exists even if the cervix has been removed or you were born without one. Do this all with your mind, feel with your mind, imagine it all. And you'll still feel the power of this practice!

So, whether you're going boy sober as a protest or because there aren't any great options for you right now, doesn't mean you have to neglect your own sexuality! In fact, now is the perfect time to explore and open new pleasure pathways that are easier to do on your own! Then imagine what bliss awaits you when you do finally choose to find a partner again!

INSPIRED ACTION: Try this practice for 7 days in a row and notice how the sensation evolves over time! This can be a wildly awakening practice!