Pleasure First, Healing Follows

Most people think that they need to heal first before they can start having more pleasure. This is actually counter to the truth. If you wait to deal with sex, love, and relationships until after you're done healing all the rest of your trauma, then you'll be sadly disappointed when all the triggers show up even harder. Here's why dealing with pleasure and love first will actually lead you to faster healing of all the rest of your life.

The reason is simple. Wherever your brain thinks you're most vulnerable is where you'll get triggered the most because your brain is on high alert there. And you're always going to be most vulnerable in pleasure, love, and relationships because your brain deems these situations life or death. But why?

Because when you were born it was life and death. If your family didn't love you, and you didn't bond with them, then you would probably die. Think 10,000 years ago, before the agricultural revolution. If you weren't cared for by your group, it was over for you. This lasted even into adulthood, because if the group kicked you out, you had a very slim chance of survival on your own.

So, your brain is hardwired to get you to be accepted by whatever group is around you. We evolved too quickly from hunter gatherers to farmers for our evolution to catch up. And it's still somewhat true today. Babies are still very dependent on their families, and just because laws say they have to care for the children doesn't mean the brain knows this truth.

The truth is that you are the most vulnerable when it comes to sex, love, and relationships. It's scary to open up to someone like that. What if you let the wrong person in and they cause a bunch of harm? This is all built on life and death, so it's no wonder that the root of almost all of your resistance is going to live in sex, love, and relationships. And this resistance doesn't just stay in pleasure. It ripples out to the rest of your life.

If you're timid in sexuality, you're probably going to be timid in your career. The root of the issue exists in your sexuality, though, not the other way around. So, you can try all the career coaching you can find, and it may work for a bit. But eventually, the timidness is going to return if you don't address it in your sexuality. The healing doesn't ripple back to the root, only from the root.

That means that when you heal it in your sexuality, you'll also heal it in your career. It will be a natural progression as you become empowered in your relationships, you'll become empowered in your career. It'll feel like magic, but it's just neuroscience.

Here's an example that happened in my life. I was hyper independent from my trauma. I only relied on myself and trusted myself. I was very controlling in relationships because I struggled to trust. This meant I attracted partners who were docile, didn't have their lives together, and didn't inspire trust.

When I started working on these things, especially through the coaching, I found that I attracted much more able partners who actually wanted to take on more responsibility and care for me. I also created more space for myself to lead my business from a place of power instead of a place of control. This shift was subtle, but powerful! I try not to chase so much in the business, but attract.

That's why I say Pleasure First, Healing Follows. Because if you start with pleasure, then you'll actually start to hit the core of your issues and be able to heal them much faster. This works so much better than if you try to treat all the symptoms in the rest of your life and never hit the root of it. Sure, it could work for a little while, but you'll struggle for a lot longer than if you just started with pleasure.

So, moral of the story, pleasure is not superficial or the back seat. It is the core of your power, it is the compass to your healing, and it is the root of where your integration begins. So, don't wait to address pleasure, love, and relationships last. Start there and watch how the healing ripples out to the rest of your life.

If you want to see if we are a good fit to work together, then check out my coaching page (www.lonateachesbliss.com/coaching) and book a Bliss Blueprint Discovery Call today!

INSPIRED ACTION: Look back at all the ways you've tried to heal. Talk therapy, plant medicines, reiki, breathwork, etc. Did you ever get to the core of the issue, or did you get aha moments and breakthroughs, but never lasting change? Maybe it's time to look at pleasure as the portal.