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  • Writer's pictureLona

Queer Tantra

The most tantalizing, connected, and spiritual sex I've ever had was with a woman. And this was before I even knew what Tantra was! There's this idea in Tantra that we all naturally have this connection to bliss within us. You don't actually need to study it or understand it to experience it (although this is rare in our society). It's one of the reasons that people sometimes seek out Tantra. They had some crazy experience during pleasure, so they googled it and found the rabbit hole of bliss through the body! It's beautiful. And I found it with a woman (I'm a woman if you didn't know). So, I wanted to clear up some things that are very misunderstood in Tantra.

First, you don't need a partner to do anything in Tantra! In fact, I find it much easier and more relaxing to do it on my own. Sure, partnered sex is also beautiful and I love it, but if you're hoping to find the well of bliss, your most epic pleasure, and total embodiment in this moment, then working solo is the most direct path there! I recommend people do it solo first to figure out how everything works when there's no pressure. Then, slowly adding partner play IF you like. Although, it's actually never necessary! There's this understanding in Tantra that when there's more people you magnify the energy, but you can also learn how to magnify it in yourself.

Now, I want to address something that is sadly misunderstood in some sects of Tantra. Queer sex. There's this idea in some parts of Tantra that you must use the polarity of both people to go deeper into the experience. That someone with a pussy has the opposite polarity of someone with a penis. And while this may be true, it does not make it necessary for expansion. This is because each person has their own polarity within them. More important than just relying on the other person's polarity, is understanding your own polarity and working with that! Just like you don't even need someone else to practice, you definitely don't' need a certain polarity to do it either.

Most research I've done into this topic says that having someone of the opposite polarity can help us mentally understand how the polarity works, and it may make it easier at first. But, they also state that even when the opposite polarity is present, you are still only using your own polarity. So, my entire body has the polarity of negative at my pussy, positive at my sacral chakra, negative at my solar plexus, positive at my heart, switching all the way up to my crown which is negative. But my pussy is also its own ecosystem of energy with a positive and negative polarity within her. If I can use that polarity and magnify it with the switching polarities up my chakras, then I can have just as profound of an experience with myself than with any partner.

So, can you have Tantric sex with a same-sex partner? YES! If you can have it with yourself, you can have it with any other human. It's more important to understand your own energy and polarities than it is to try and match with someone else's. If it's just going to be going through your own system, then the other person's polarity is pretty irrelevant. Now, that doesn't mean you can't play with their polarity, too. It's fun to magnetize to other humans, and go into incredible Tantric states together. Just like it's more fun to go to a restaurant together. There's someone to share the experience with, which has its own beautiful meaning.

I can't tell you how often I read questionable things about Queer Tantric practices. I literally read a book about Tantric orgasm in pussies and at the end she said "I don't know if it will work with women and women, my gut says no". So, you have literally no experience in it, and still ventured a guess that's not only incorrect when you talk to people with experience in it, but also makes me question the rest of the book now. One of the guru's I adore, Osho, also wasn't up to speed on homosexuality. He thought it was something that would be cured if only you found Tantra! This brings up an amazing point though. That even the guru's don't understand everything. ALWAYS listen to your body and your experience above what you read. I think it's incredibly important to follow a lineage (like Tantra) so you get thousands of years of experience to draw from. I also think it's wildly helpful to find your own master who can call you on your bullshit. But, at then end of the day if it doesn't feel aligned in your body, then don't trust it.

I don't believe anyone is perfect. Not even my own body. But I do know that Queer Tantric sex exists, and that it can be just as beautiful as hetero Tantric sex, and solo Tantric sex! So, happy fucking PRIDE y'all! Tantrically fuck whoever the fuck you want, including yourself!

INSPIRED ACTION: Celebrate PRIDE, and that we are all unique individuals. The rights of my people are quickly disappearing. We worked for decades to find equality and acceptance within society, and it breaks my heart to see that go backwards. Lesbian, gay, bisexual, trans, queer, intersex, asexual +++ are all valid, sane, and celebrated! How can you help bring safety to this community as an ally or as a member? Donating money or time, protesting, helping change minds. All things can be useful. See what's calling you and remind people that just because we are different doesn't mean we are enemies.

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