The Throat-Pussy Connection

Let's end this year with a bang! And one of my favorite personal expansions of the year! This year I discovered the throat-pussy connection! Yes, your throat and pussy are connected by more than just energy. And I delightfully found out through play, surrender, and excitement!

You might imagine what the throat-pussy connection is, but let me lay it down for you and let me lean on the science first. The throat and the pelvic floor are very similar. They both develop early in the embryo. There is no physical or direct anatomical connection. But there is an important link to the diaphragm. The fascia of the pelvic floor is directly linked to the diaphragm. You may notice that you can take a huge inhale and your pelvic floor will flex. And the throat is also directly linked to the diaphragm, so inhales and exhales are synced. This diaphragm connection is the closest to an anatomical link. There isn't one fascia that connects directly from the throat to the pussy. But there is a continuous connection through the diaphragm to both.

The physical structures are also very similar looking and functioning. One acts as the top gateway, the other as the bottom gateway. These are the only two ways designed to enter into the body (because the anus functions mainly as an exit). They are not passive holes, but dynamic passages. Both are made mostly of mucosa, not skin. Both are surrounded by layered muscle, not a single muscle. Both are highly innervated, and reflexive. For example, they respond to pressure, tone, threat, and safety. But it's important to note that they are not the same. They are similar, two of the most similar structures in the body. But they do operate physically as different structures, and not everything that happens to one happens to the other. You can have an open throat and a closed pussy at the same time.

They can influence each other, though! And this magic happens in the nervous system! This is the cranio-sacral connection. The throat is highly innervated by the cranial nerves. The pussy is highly innervated mainly by the sacral nerves (though also the pudendal nerve). The cranio-sacral connection happens through the parasympathetic nervous system. So, when this system perceives safety, the jaw softens, the throat opens, the pelvic floor releases, the vaginal tissues engorge and lubricate. The opposite happens when threat is perceived. This is a nervous system regulatory connection.

So, when I say that if you relax your jaw your pelvic floor will relax (like I say in workshops often), what I'm actually referring to is the habitually paired response of the nervous system. They don't control each other, but they often co-occur and you can often influence one with the other. This is why sighing or vocalizing during pleasure can increase genital sensation. Or why pelvic release rituals include sounding. They influence each other, not physically, but through the patterns of the nervous system.

There is also a psychological connection. The throat and the pussy are sites of expression or suppression. When you want to control someone you silence them, and rape is often about power. But when you express, you make loud noises, and claim your pleasure. They are also sites of receiving versus bracing. When you feel safe and open and ready to receive you'll often sigh a big sigh and relax the pelvic floor, it's a sign of safety. But when there is a threat you often brace your pelvic floor and silence yourself. This is how psychology plays a role in the throat-pussy connection.

So, the throat and pussy are regulated by related nervous system pathways, shaped by early developmental timing, share similar physical structures, and are often coupled through learned patterns of safety, expression, and restraint. This is all scientific fact. But then what happens during pleasure between the two? Here's where we step more into the woo, but it's all supported by the science!

So, this year, I discovered that I can deep throat. That means I can now easily relax my throat to allow my partners penis to enter into my actual throat, not just my mouth. There has been a lot of argument about if this is possible, if it's healthy, if it's coercion. And I resisted for a long time allowing this. But that's mostly because of my early childhood trauma.

I have a lot of trauma around giving oral to a male. I've had panic attacks after doing this deed before. I've had flashbacks. And one time giving it to my current partner in the first year we met I uncovered a new memory I had dissociated. This single discovery led me down a path of renewed healing, where I could piece together the actual timeline of what happened. But it wasn't an easy path, and it took me a long time to be able to do it again. That path was built on safety, self-empowerment, trust, and will. I had to know I was in control, and not feel any pressure. I had to know that even if I never gave him oral again that he would still love me and care for me, and he did. Sweet Potato was the perfect partner to do this with. I'm so unbelievably grateful for him in this.

So, years later, I think it was kind of an accident that first time. I just went too far, but there was enough lubrication and relaxation that it was intriguing. Slowly, and on my own terms I kept exploring, often with weeks between explorations. And his reaction every time I broke that throat barrier was delicious. I love giving him pleasure. I started researching it on my own, and found that lots of people do this, and it wasn't just something that was coerced (like I had thought before). I had honestly thought that it was just a porn trick that no real person would do.

As we explored and my throat became more resilient and relaxed, I found I could go longer, and that something happened in my brain and pussy when I did. My brain would tune everything in the world out, stop thinking, and go into a form of sub space where nothing else mattered. And we found with much delight, that my pussy also became soaking wet just from deep throating him. What a surprise!

So, the throat-pussy connection was alive and real! And I wanted to know everything! Thus, I discovered the nervous system connection between the throat and pussy, and now we play all the time with this. As my throat relaxes and receives, it sends a nervous system response down to my pussy to relax and receive. This safety and trust is my pussy's favorite way to get wet. Now, every time I deep throat my pussy doesn't get wet. And there's nothing wrong with that. But it is very reliable for me. We call it the throat-spot or the T-spot.

Now, it's important to remember that this can't happen without physical and emotional safety, consent, trust, and desire. Without all 4 of these the nervous system won't respond, and you may even get the opposite effect of bracing in the pelvic floor and nervous system shut down. Sweet Potato NEVER asked me to deep throat him. But he did tell me how much he loved it when I explored and reassured me that I didn't have to do it if I didn't want to. He even slows me down sometimes to check in and make sure I'm doing it for me.

Your partner should never hold this over you to coerce you into doing it. I've seen this happen many times. Men, if you want this to happen, you've got to create physical and emotional safety, demonstrate continuous consent over and over, inspire undeniable trust in yourself, and let her come to desiring it on her own. It's ok in a consent conversation to mention this is a desire of yours. It's not ok to keep bringing it up over and over and withhold things from her until she does it. If you think not giving her oral will help you get deep throat, then you are surely working in the opposite direction, and you'll never open that delightful t-spot.

One piece of advice I have for men before we go I learned directly through Sweet Potato. The reason I touch him so much sexually is because I never feel I get trapped when I do. I'll hold his cock all the time, and it never means that I have to go further. I can put his cock in my mouth whenever I want, and just because I do that I haven't signed some contract that means I have to continue something I started. I can make him hard and then just cuddle him and it's totally fine. Sweet Potato has control over his sexual energy.

And because I don't feel trapped, I do it freely all the time. He gets WAY more sexual touch when I feel like I won't be berated or coerced into more than I want or get the "you've gotta finish what you started" line. But I can say for certainty from previous partners that as soon as I feel like you're going to hold it against me if I touch your cock, I'll definitely touch you less. Let her touch you, let her explore on her own terms, let her make you hard and then cuddle you. This creates that safety, trust, and desire that are so often lost when you put pressure on every sexual move she makes. This is why so many women don't initiate, because when they do show a sliver of interest you jump to penetration. Let her desire build and grow on its own and learn to control your own sexual energy so that it doesn't explode at every brush up against your inner thigh.

Men: if you want help in learning how to wield your sexual energy and not become desperate then my Secrets to Male Sexuality coaching can help. Women: if you want to learn to create safety in your nervous system and create the relationship structures that would let you relax so you can start to explore the t-spot, then my Sexual Liberation coaching is the perfect container to do that! Find out more at www.lonateachesbliss.com/coaching

INSPIRED ACTION: What kinds of feelings do you have after reading this? What emotions are coming up? What sensations? Excitement? Fear? Worry? Notice this. This is your nervous system responding. What is it trying to tell you?