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  • Writer's pictureLona

What Is Queer? And How Can You Be Queer in Tantra?

Queer Tantra

I currently identify as Queer. I used to call myself bisexual, but that term has been feeling less aligned lately. Sure, I like both men and women, and I also like non-binary people. I would be into someone who had a pussy, a cock, or something in between. Some people would call that pansexual, but for some reason I just don't resonate with that word either. If someone called me that I wouldn't be offended, but the word Queer has just felt so much more aligned for me. Queer is a word that means anything but heterosexual. It's an umbrella term that has been accepted to refer to anyone in the LGBTQIA+ identities. Although if someone asks you to call them a specific identity always respect that first. Queer can be used when talking broadly of the LGBTQIA+ community. And it could be talking about your sexuality or your gender or both! I include a fun exploration practice for learning about your unique energy at the end.

One of the biggest reasons I like the word Queer is because it's a reclamation of a slur given originally to gay men. People used to call gays then also any non-hetero people queer as a way of saying we were strange, odd, or peculiar. And they meant it in a mean way! But at the same time gay men were calling each other Queer. The intention behind the word is important. I can make any word sound like an insult if my intention is mean. So, instead of us sacrificing that word and finding new ones, we have reclaimed it! Their hatred makes us stronger!

And I also like Queer because it doesn't gender me or my partners. You can be Queer in your sexuality, as in not hetero, and you can also be genderqueer, as in not cis. I like that it's a little ambiguous. My partner thinks it's because I don't like when people put me into boxes and labels, and that's probably true. I don't like people to think they know me from one label. But I'll give myself 15 labels, just as long as you know that any single one of those couldn't possibly encapsulate my entirety. I like that Queer makes people questions some of their assumptions and ask deeper questions. It's a conversation starter!

I also like that Queer isn't static. It's an inclusive term that means I'm anything but hetero, and that it can also be fluid. Instead of exploring being bisexual, then pansexual, then demisexual, then asexual and having to "come out" as each new title, I can just use the umbrella term Queer to accurately describe all of this and be fluid within it. Now, there's nothing wrong with changing your identity as many times as you want! And there's also nothing wrong with settling on one that really fits you, like lesbian or gay. Queer is just the most comfortable and inclusive term for me to use!

So, where does Tantra come in? I would say one of my biggest issues with Tantra is that it historically hasn't been inclusive of Queer people. Here's why. In Tantra there's a lot of emphasis on polarity when it comes to two humans connecting. We each have a dominant and secondary energy. If you have a pussy, you probably have a negative charge at the root. And if you have a cock, you probably have a positive charge at the root. And if you're intersex you could have either. So, in Tantra it's generally thought that you need to move energy from the positive charge to the negative. And this is all good and well. Oftentimes with a male partner I do find it more intuitive to work with those energy signatures.

However, I can move my energy however I want. It doesn't have to go one direction, and it can honestly travel any direction! So, if I were with a female partner, then we just have to choose which direction the energy will go, and we may even switch directions halfway through. Just because one direction might feel easier or more intuitive doesn't mean that's the only option you have. And honestly, my energy feels so magnetized and amplified when another pussy is around that it really doesn't matter which direction my energy is flowing, it's just fucking flowing!

For Trans people it's also difficult in Tantra. There is an undeniable polarity when it comes to genitals that you should explore from multiple angles. First, explore your physical genital polarity. This exploration comes with practice and time and openness to what is present. Then, explore the opposite polarity. In general, your polarity has more to do with your physical organs than not. However, it is not an absolute. Some people with pussies will have a more dominant positive charge there. And only you can get to know this on the deepest levels. Don't let someone who doesn't know your energy on the deepest levels try to tell you anything about your own energy. Always trust your own experience above what others are saying. And if you've had transitional bottom surgery, it's even more important to explore both sides of the polarity. It could match your genitals at birth, or it could match the transition. Again, only you can know.

For intersex people, it's even more exciting! There's a possibility that you'll have both charges at the root. And only you can explore this polarity yourself. Explore from both sides of the equation and from neutrality. I believe that everything the Goddess creates in this world is a beautiful gift to be celebrated! She does not make mistakes, and there is something unique about intersex people. I empower you to discover all this on your own! There's a practice at the end to start!

And to be totally honest with you, in the highest levels of Tantra it's actually believed that even if you are working with a partner, that you are only ever interacting with your own energy. You might feel more energized and magnetic when another person is there, but the energy is all still yours. We can't actually affect other people's energy all that much, and you have all the polarity within you already to use. If there is any polarity that is being amplified and magnetized it's the poles within yourself.

Classical Tantra emerged in heavily patriarchal, homophobic, misogynistic Asia, and it broke down taboos left and right! It was absolutely revolutionary and made so much progress possible. But it was not perfect. Homosexuality and transgender acceptance, I believe, is the final thing left to transform. And there are so many more teachers these days that are supportive of the non-hetero and trans lessons. Find a teacher who is vocal about their opinions on Tantra and Queerness. And if their opinions don't align with your lifestyle or they make you feel wrong or at fault, then find another teacher who celebrates your uniqueness. By empowering the teachers who are moving in the direction of acceptance and love you amplify their work and voices as well!

Queerness is so natural in the world! There are all sorts of Queer animals, plants, and insects! And Tantra also celebrates everything about this creation! So, I think it's strange that this is the last part of the old school thought process to hang on. Tantra is ready to evolve once again, and become a place where all people feel seen, heard, and celebrated! And when you practice Neo Tantra with me you can experience the joy of inclusivity, acceptance, and love.

Happy Fucking Pride yall! To all my fellow Queer hearts and trans loves! Let's put the hatred, division, and oppression in the trash once and for all! We are the generation to do it! For us, and for all the Queers down the line!

INSPIRED ACTION: Practice for starting to work with your own polarity. Start in a private space and take 3 long deep inhales and exhales. Then start to connect to your body and energy by placing your attention on the body and noticing the sensations. For energy work, where attention goes energy flows. Trust that the energy is flowing wherever you place your attention. Place your attention at your root for a minute or two. If you have a pussy, the root is at the cervix. If you have a cock, the root is at the perineum between the anus and testicles. Then start to move the energy (your attention) from the root up the back body to the heart and back down the front body to the root again. Do several cycles like this. Then pause and notice what is happening in the body. Look for sensations and just notice. Then focus on the heart for a minute, and start to move the energy (your attention) from the heart out the front body and down to the root, then back up to the heart. Do this cycle for several rounds then pause and notice the sensations again. The chakra you are positive in will likely feel more alive, awake, and expanded. If you have a cock you are most likely positive in the cock. If you have a pussy you are most likely positive in the heart and negative in the pussy. This takes an attention and practice that goes beyond just a few times to learn about yourself on this deep level. So don't rush to any conclusions in your first attempt. And honestly, there's no rush to get to this information at all. Energy work is a fun and delicious practice that keeps getting deeper and deeper with time and exploration. Let the information come to your freely without any expectations and remain open to what arises!

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