You Say You Want Presence but You Keep Running from This One Thing

Presence. The illusive, and yet totally attainable desire by most people. You say you want to be present. You say you want a partner who is present. You think you're doing it, and then you hear, "I just feel like you're not here with me". Well, presence isn't just focus. In fact, intense focus might feel like the opposite of presence. The real key is hidden in plain sight: your sensations. (PS. I'm sharing a practice below for reawaking this presence!)

I see it all the time in my clients. They are more associated with their emotions and the scenarios around them than with the sensations. And when I guide them to feel (the felt sense, as I like to call it) they are lost.

"This feels sad to me", they say.

"And what does sadness feel like?", I dig.

"What do you mean? It feels sad."

"So, you're sad, yes, what do you feel in your body?"

"It feels like they made me upset."

You get the picture. But emotions aren't the full picture. And one of the greatest lessons of Tantra is to reunite you with all the sensations in your body, even the difficult ones. Because you will often try to cut yourself off from the "bad" feelings, but your body can't differentiate between bad and good, so it just cuts you off from all of them. It's really hard to sit in those tough sensations, I forgive you! But if you want full presence, you'll have to learn how to sit in them!

Because presence is built in meeting the present moment with your whole body. And there's nothing your body experiences that isn't through the 5 senses. Think about it, has there ever been an experience you've had that wasn't through your sight, sound, touch, smell, and taste? The key here is to reawaken you to what this world is made of: the senses.

Now, I could go on and on about the theory behind this and how it will help you. But another tenet of Tantra is that you can only experience it for yourself. So, let me cut out all the fluff and drop you in to the aha moment through your body! Try this practice.

Reawakening the Senses for Presence

1. Find a space where you won't be distracted and you can safely close your eyes. Grab something small that you can eat. I like to use chocolate or fruit for this, but anything edible will do. If it's in a wrapper keep it in the wrapper.

2. Close your eyes, and take a few deep breaths.

3. Open your eyes and look at the item you brought. Look at it as if you've never seen this thing before in your life. Go slowly and look at it from every angle, noticing how light bounces off it, the colors, textures, words maybe. Look for at least 30 seconds.

4. If it has a wrapper then bring it close to your ear and slowly (SLOWLY) take the wrapper off listening to the sounds it makes.

5. Close your eyes again, and smell the item. As if you've never smelled something like this before. Spend at least 30 seconds smelling it.

6. Bring the item to your lips and slowly caress your lips with this item. Noticing every tiny texture it imparts. Caress for at least 30 seconds.

7. Bite a small piece off the item and run it across every surface of your mouth. Again, as if you've never felt something like this before. Try to do this for at least 30 seconds.

8. Now open your eyes and look at the item again. Noticing how it's changed since you bit it and how the light hits it now. Take it in for 30 seconds.

9. Take another bite and really taste it here. Get lost completely in the flavor as slowly as you can.

10. Finally, eat the entire item slowly with as many senses as you can. Looking at it between bites, feeling it in your mouth, smelling it before you bite it, hearing yourself chew it, and tasting it lusciously.

After you've completed this experience look around the room and notice the quality of your presence. How do you look at the room around you after you've activated every sense? Notice how this changes your perspective. That's the essence of presence. It's through every sense.

Now do this before you make love, before you meet a new date, before you read a book. It can change everything just through this one simple practice. And you can even do this in different ways. I love to do it while on walks in nature, really taking in every sense. You can do this while washing dishes by taking in every sensation. You can even do this while watching tv.

You can build a life that's full of sensation, and that's a life that's full of presence. You'll be shocked how this changes your relationships, your friendships, your alone time. I'm doing it right now while writing this blog. Trust the sensations, and don't run from them. Even the tough ones, because the more you can feel the difficult ones, the more you can feel the amazing ones!

INSPIRED ACTION: Try this anytime and journal about how it changes things.