Creating Liberation Through Experiential Events

This past weekend, I hosted my 10th Love Lab Experience (www.lovelabevents.com). And all throughout the night I kept feeling emotional seeing everyone living in bliss and being their fully expressed, liberated selves! Wide smiles, deep feelings, joyful dance, thoughtful hugs, and yes, ecstatic pleasure. This was truly the dream we had imagined 4 years ago. My work as a Sexual Liberation Coach does not end with my one-on-one clients. My mission is a more liberated world, and I think the biggest impact I can have is through liberating experiences for many! Here's how I created something truly magical.

This was our largest Love Lab, yet! We had 168 people in attendance! A far cry from our very first one, which had only 25 people. Each event we expanded, and honed, and learned. It feels like with our 10th rendition we are coming into our fullest stride. But it took some incredible planning, a willingness to go there, and some stumbles along the way.

The dream started as a space that allowed the unthinkable... sex. Consensual sex, free sex, not heavily controlled sex. Kinky sex, vanilla sex, orgy sex. A space for people to go to enjoy pleasure with other adults they negotiated with on their own. Not transactional, or performative, or mandated. Just a space to go to fuck when you wanted to. But also, sex wasn't the focus. Sex was a side quest on the giant menu of love experiences. It could be your main event, if you wanted it to be, but it was most likely a single part of the orchestral experience you had.

Most people, when they come to the Love Lab for the first time, feel that it will just be a giant orgy. But are shocked at the lessons, growth, and healing that happens. Even the biggest skeptics often share at the Closing Ceremony Circle that they were surprised how wholesome, innocent, and natural the experience was. Even sexual assault survivors, who were afraid that this would trigger them, and were brave enough to come anyway, share that having sex be so casual, so accepted, so celebrated healed something in them.

It was important to us, as we created this space, that it felt alive, open, and free. And also embodied, connected, and safer. Women comment every event that they've never felt so free to be in skimpy clothes, or nude, or even in pleasure, and didn't feel that they were being preyed upon, or taken from, or judged.

And yet, there is so much more to do than just have sex. The dance floor is always going wild! The workshops are dripping in connection and self-discovery. The tearoom is enraptured in deep conversation. The non-alcoholic bar is filled with laughter and toasts. The hot tub is overflowing with bodies, all sharing a moment of vulnerability and joy. And there are spaces everywhere to lay down, cuddle, or meet new friends. Plus, you get to explore the hidden passageways and secrets of the Prancing Unicorn, the venue we choose to have this amazing event at.

So, how did we create such an intense, joyful, liberating, and free experience that doesn't feel contrived, policed, or shameful. And how do we call in the people who will uphold our vision? It started with a dream. We created a grand vision first, not getting lost in the details too early on. How we would do it was an afterthought. How we wanted people to FEEL was more important than the individual aspects of it.

We wanted people to feel alive, true, and real. To feel vulnerable, cared for, safer. To experience not just a party, but a growth factor that leveled up themselves and their relationships. Transformation, self-discovery, and play converged into truly wild experiences! We wanted them to feel liberation from all the things holding them back in their default life. A space they could escape to that would allow them to be the most true and real version of themselves. And to usher in sensational awakening, deep connection to others, and ecstatic movement. And of course, an essence of Neo Tantra!

When you start with the bigger, deeper things, it's easier to create a cohesive experience. When you start with details, it may end up feeling disconnected. So, yes, we were definitely going to have DJ's and a dancefloor, but instead of focusing the event around music, we focused it around liberation. And then the dancefloor arose as a part of that liberation, not the central channel. This gave us the freedom to take away from the purely dance experience and become something totally different.

Yes, we wanted to have sex spaces, but instead of that being the focus, we got to design the focus around freedom and expression, and the sex spaces emerged from there. Again, we got to decentralize the sex aspect so we could focus on the deeper meaning. Yes, we were going to have workshops, but this wasn't a retreat, and the workshops could serve the transformation, instead of the event serving as a space for workshops to just happen.

Once we got these 3 main concepts into place, we could design the smaller details around it. What if we had a theme that changed radically every event? And the music, sex spaces, and workshops transformed with it? Ones that ranged from the Shadows & Secrets Soiree, to the Sultry Saloon, to Saturday Night Fever, to Celestial Seduction! Then every event will feel totally different and we can cosplay different characters throughout!

Then later we wanted to add a community dinner, so everyone had a chance to sit down together, and we could create intimacy, open communication, and chances to meet strangers. Even later we added dinner entertainment, to shock, awe, and excite people, while still keeping space for those conversations and connections. These became instant favorites! And again, this served the deeper, overall dream of the event. We didn't just add dinner because that's something we can do. We did it to create more depth.

Later, still, we created the non-alcoholic bar as a space to imbibe in delicious, unique, and sensational experiences with others. It took us a couple attempts to really come into it's fullness, but this past event it was a huge success! And people loved the not too sweet, spicy, herbal, and slightly sweet drink options that all matched the vibe of the event. A new take on a bar that felt like a celebration of the senses, not a weak attempt at replicating an alcoholic bar experience.

But the foundation of the event from the beginning needed to create a community of trust, safety, and camaraderie. So, from the very start we created the mandatory orientation! This was a much-debated topic. We didn't want it to feel stuffy, reprimanding, or boring. What if the orientation and consent conversation could be fun, and also connecting, and filled with joy instead of intimidation? What if people came and the most transformation they got was in the orientation?

I had never seen it done before. Most of the sex parties we went to were just your boring shame filled lecture on not touching anyone without permission, and I never came away with lessons or aha moments. It felt like elementary level consent that was lawfully obligatory. So, I started from the ground up. I threw away the dusty manual, and lit a new fire. How I created the orientation was also heavily influenced by our dream.

And people rave about the orientation so much that they come back again and again, even though you only have to come once. I've heard story after story about how understanding consent on this level has changed their relationships, their careers, their parenting! Plus, this is the first chance to connect with a stranger, and to see all the new faces. It breaks the ice for the party, and people feel empowered leaving it, instead of scolded. People tell me they could leave after the orientation and still have gotten so much! Wow!

But then how were we going to maintain a safer space throughout the event, and make sure people felt supported, even when gasp things went sideways. Be prepared for the worst, and hope for the best is what I always say. So, we created the Consentaurs! A team of paid, trained people who would roam the space all night. You can push a button in the Sanctuary and call one to you. I lead the Consentaurs, but since I have them working, I don't have to be on guard all night. I can also relax and enjoy the space, be present with people, have open conversations without my eyes on the back of my head, and be the host.

Creating liberation is about creating spaces where people feel they can drop their walls, their defense, and their hypervigilance. Obviously, we can never create a completely safe space, because people will be people. But if they can relax enough to drop into their bodies, express themselves more fully, and not be looking over their shoulder every moment, then maybe they can start to find that elusive liberation we keep talking about. Maybe they can feel safe enough to open, meet people, and know they are supported if anything goes wrong.

We have banned people from the event, but that's not our immediate go to when things get reported to us. If I feel there's space for restorative justice, then I prefer to go down that route. I'm also trained to catch abusers and narcissists in their shadows. I walk a fine line between restorative justice and giving chances to people who can't change. And I don't take that role lightly. I think people trust me to make the choices I see fit in the moment. And that trust, I do not take lightly.

It was important to us from the very beginning to pay the people who are at the core of creating this vision. The DJ, workshop leaders, entertainers, Consentaurs, decorations lead, and more are paid real money at the end of the event. But we couldn't do this all without volunteers as well! So, we came up with a system that felt expansive and liberating even for volunteers! Shifts that were spelled out in detail up front, benefits that were guaranteed. And room to still have a great time at the event before, during, and after their 4-hour shift! Expansive even for volunteers!

Holding this kind of event isn't for the faint of heart. It took us 7 events to turn our first profit, and 10 to really make some money on it. And that's all around calling in the right community with our messaging! More than a sex party, kinda like a retreat, tendrils of a rave, steeped in sober enough community where we encourage people to not get too out of control, but not totally sober. We walk a fine line, and the people who are interested in this are niche. So, it took time to build. It finally feels like we are becoming an institution for these unique experiences.

And still, no one can exactly define it. So, I'll just keep saying I'm creating liberating experiences for people to find connection, pleasure, and self-discovery! When you create a category of your own, people will struggle to describe it. And I think that's part of the lore! So, if you're thinking of creating liberating experiences, then start with the bigger, deeper, wider picture. Start with the feelings you want people to feel. Start with the WHY. Then build absolutely everything around that vision.

If you keep to that higher vision, and don't let anything lead you away from that, then you'll create the kind of event you dream of. But if you let the details built up first, it may feel disconnected from your whole vision. Keep in mind how you'll create a safer space for people to explore. And how you'll share the wealth of the event. Then buckle in for the long haul.

If you create a truly incredible event, then people will tell their friends, and it can grow naturally. I also talk about it with people I meet when any of these topics come up. Share from your heart about the event and people will feel the energy of it! And get an email list early on! This has been my most effective tool for reaching the people who are already interested! You don't want to lose contact with them. And hey, if you want to subscribe to the Love Lab emails to be the first to know about all our events in Shelton, WA go to www.lovelabevents.com!

Don't be afraid to change directions if it doesn't fit the vision. You're free to change whatever you want! And also make sure that you're within your local laws and ordinances! We can create liberation in the world through more than just one-on-one transformational experiences. What if we created liberation for hundreds at a time?! That can have real world impacts!

INSPIRED ACTION: Just for fun, dream up something you wished you could create if there were no limits. Say you had the money, the time, the space. What is the vision? I think dreaming how we want to change the world is a crucial step, even if it never comes to fruition. So, dream with me. And hold that vision in your heart. Maybe one day you'll create it.