Guide to Knowing If You Have a Feminine, Masculine, or Balanced Core

My clients ask it all the time, "How do I know if I have a feminine or masculine core?". And it's a great question, because it's not necessarily connected to your sex or gender. And no one ever teaches it. There's this assumption that if you were raised a woman that you must have a feminine core. But that's not what the numbers say. Here's how you can tell!

You've probably heard it before. Masculine and feminine are different from man and woman, and even male and female. It's true. But how do you know what you are then? Some people know for sure, others feel something is off. And yet others are confused by the whole concept. All these are correct.

But what can you get if you know what yours is? You can better understand yourself in relationships and in life. You can accept your own needs better. You can learn how to create epic magnetism in sexuality with a partner. You can know what will make you feel fulfilled in life. And you can deeply understand what makes you tick the unique way you do.

This all might be farfetched to understand, so let me tell you how knowing I have a feminine core has changed my life. My trauma made me hyper independent. I was afraid of not being in control because that was the only way I felt safe. I was extremely competitive and also very hypersexual. This all made me very masculine. I thought I was just a lady with a masculine core, and that changed the kinds of relationships I was in, it changed how I was taken care of in those relationships, and it changed how I was seen in the world.

Well, one day you just do enough healing and realize that was all a mask of protection. Because being feminine was scary to me, I felt weak whenever I was in it. I pushed it away as a way to escape those vulnerabilities. I had an 11-year relationship with a man that was very equal. He was great, but we were just like best friends. We split everything equally. He cooked; I did dishes. We both did our own laundry. Every bill was 50/50. I even took care of all the bills when he went to get his Master's Degree.

He was safe for me to be with at the time because he wasn't super masculine to compete with my masculine. If I had been with a man in his deep masculine then we would've just ended up butting heads all the time as I kept trying to take control and making him surrender. But I never would've even attracted a guy like that back then because he would've consciously or subconsciously not have felt the pull to be with me.

It's not this guy's fault that our relationship was like that. The relationship was exactly what we built over those 11 years. I didn't need rescuing (at least until all my walls broke down and he saw the real me hiding under all that). And he wanted the choices to be made for him (at least until he found the things he was really passionate about and wouldn't give up ground there). This created highs and lows in the relationship, and us never really fulfilling each other.

We lost the magnetism that kept the sexuality alive, and by the end of the relationship we weren't even having sex with each other anymore. There was no push and pull. There was no presence and wildness. There were just two friends who loved each other. But that wasn't enough to keep the relationship alive. Relationships need that magnetism (unless you both have balanced cores).

My relationship with Sweet Potato is so much richer in magnetism. I get his full presence, care, and domination. He gets my surrender, chaos, and submission. He gets to go out and fulfill himself in projects he cares about that make him feel whole. I get to have the never-ending love affair that makes me feel complete. We understand that this is what keeps the relationship so lively, free, and passionate. And we built it this way!

So, finding out what your core is, you can build the kind of relationship that you're grateful for on your deathbed. So that you can have wild pleasure and sexual expression. So that you can understand your own needs and the needs of your partner. And so that you can find your most authentic expression of you beyond all the noise of society, religion, and trauma.

It is most likely connected to your genitals. About 80% of people with male bodies have a masculine core. The same percent for female bodies and a feminine core. About 10% of people have the opposite. So, that means about 10% of people with male bodies have a feminine core, and 10% of people with female bodies have a masculine core.

And about 10% of all people have a balanced core, or a neutral core. This means they may be very confused and maybe even offended by this entire discourse on feminine vs masculine but they don't know exactly why. It just doesn't make sense to them. They probably feel very othered from this whole conversation. And in truth, a lot of the discourse on fem vs masc doesn't even mention the balanced cores at all.

All of these outcomes are valid because they are all that person's individual truth. Think of your core as two solid poles. One is your main core, maybe masculine, and the other is your secondary core, maybe feminine. You'll feel most comfortable and aligned when you're in your masculine, but there will be times you need to tap into your feminine for clarity, truth, and bliss.

We all have both poles. One is just in front of the other, and that one will be the one you feel most at home in. And just because you have a certain core doesn't mean you're only allowed to be in that one. Mastering both will help you live a full and easeful life. And especially learning the preferences of your main core will help you find that fulfillment, magnetism, and joy that life has to offer.

So, how do you know? It's most easy to identify by examining what you're attracted to. If you're attracted to the feminine, you're most likely masculine in your core. If you're attracted to the masculine, you're most likely feminine in your core. And if you're not attracted to anything overly masculine or feminine, you're likely balanced in your core. Let's explore.

If you're attracted to the feminine, then you might be attracted to their sensuality, their embodiment, their wild sexual expression. Maybe you're into their mystery, their nurturing, their creativity. You could be attracted to how fluidly they move, how receptive they become, or their deep intuition connected to their body. Or maybe you're attracted to their deep devotion to you in relationships, or their submission and surrender to you.

If you're attracted to the masculine, then you might like their direction, their clear movement, purpose, and aim. You may like their no-nonsense ability to cut through confusion and get to the heart of an issue. Maybe you love their presence, their stillness in the face of life. Maybe you love how they bring structure and boundaries to their flow. You might like their protection, physically and emotionally. Maybe it's their integrity, courage, and resourcefulness you admire. Or it could even be their dominance or their self-leadership that ignites you.

And you may think both of these lists are enticing (I do!). But which do you see yourself building a life with, and which role feels most like the one you want to inhabit? Because I love being with women and men, but long term I don't want to take on the masculine role. My ideal relationship is me with a masculine male partner and a feminine female partner. So, I get to be in my feminine, and also play with the feminine, but we both get to be with the masculine. Maybe sometimes I would enjoy being in the masculine role, but overall, I will always want to drop back into my feminine core.

Or maybe you're not feeling the pull to either of these descriptions. Maybe you're ideal is a balance of these things, or the neutral between them. You're most likely a balanced core, and your ideal match is likely also a balanced core. Remember that about 10% of people are balanced cores. That means neither pole is in front of the other. Maybe you feel comfortable in either role, or neither. Knowing this truth about yourself is an essential step in finding a relationship that will work for you! If you go into a polar relationship without understanding what it is they will want from you or what you'll want from them, then it's doomed to feel like a burden for you both. But if you could easily take either role, then knowing you're with a feminine and they want the masculine in you could help you both create the kind of fulfillment you desire.

It's also important to understand your trauma and how that might affect your preferences. Maybe you're like me and your trauma forced you to be in the opposite core. Notice how you feel being in that expression, is it because of safety, or is it authentic? Try out the other side and see what comes up. Is it fear, shame, guilt? Could be trauma blocking your authentic expression.

Or did you grow up being told you had to be one. Maybe as a boy you kept being told to be masculine and people had to keep correcting you until they convinced you to be that way. If they had to keep correcting it, it's probably not your unique expression. These shouldn't feel like work to embody all the time. It should feel natural to be in your core, even if there is trauma or societal pressure getting in the way.

If you suspect trauma or societal/religious/family pressure is getting in the way of knowing your truth, then my coaching could be the answer! Through my coaching container you'll be able to identify the parts that are telling you to be different from what you truly desire. You'll turn these pieces into allies in your life, instead of having them fight against you. And you'll also learn tools to be able to drop into your full feminine, masculine, or balanced expression. Plus, you'll find out how to build a sexually thriving life! Think of it like having a guide to all your inner chaos, one that can not only help you get these pieces in line, but help them become your greatest new guides to the life you choose to life. This is whole-life liberation through your sexuality. Check it out at www.lonateachesbliss.com/coaching

INSPIRED ACTION: Journal about what your core is. Do you think you're more feminine, masculine, or balanced. Which one are you attracted to the most? And which ways might you like both or neither? Also consider which role you want to take on long term. And how trauma or societal pressure could be affecting your clarity on it. Knowing your own core will help you lead the kind of life you desire most!