How I Risked It All for Just a Chance at Bliss

I urge you, take chances. I urge you, don't settle. I urge you to risk everything for even a chance at bliss. You'll never regret going for it. The price will not be too high. But what you will regret is not trying harder and risking more for that chance. There are no guarantees in life. You may falter, you may fail, you may even make a fool of yourself. But I would rather be a fool in pursuit of bliss, than someone who settles because it is comfortable. Here's how I risked it all for that chance.

I'm not yet sure I even made the right choice, but I do know that every day I get to be with my partner, Sweet Potato, I feel so much joy, so much love, and the sparkle of bliss. Our relationship is not perfect. It triggered the fuck out of both of us when we first got together. But devotional love, the kind you dream of, is not meant to be easy, it's meant to transform you. And transform us, it certainly did.

When we first met, I fell madly in love with him, almost immediately. He was gorgeous, had a good job, was an excellent Dom, was poly, loved to dance and rave, had an open mind, and there was something else mysterious about him I couldn't quite place but made me so attracted to him. And I don't think he quite knew why he was so attracted to me. I was an unemployed paint salesman in the darkest part of the pandemic. But when we were together it was absolute magic. We were not the same, we came from different backgrounds, but I think that created a tension between us that was magnetic.

We quickly became the only people in each other's lives, even though I had had another girlfriend when we met, and he was seeing 3 other girls. We lived 2 hours away from each other, so we only got to see each other on weekends. I don't know how we made it through 4 years of long distance, but that also kept the magic alive. We lusted after each other all week, then got the divine pleasure of touching our skin together for a few short days, then we were back to wanting. We could never get enough time together.

We were in love, and so our brains were happy. But underneath that our triggers were getting tested. This is actually a good thing, because only when your triggers are activated, you get a chance to truly work on them. It's actually really difficult to understand your triggers when they are not getting activated. But for us, we were getting activated a lot. We both had childhood trauma to work through. Mine was sexual, his was emotional, but both were difficult. And I was only getting a mysterious glimpse of his. In that first year we were together, he didn't share the deepest issues he was having... until it all fell apart.

We broke up when he slept with two other people and didn't tell me. My only rule in the entire relationship was that when you sleep with other people, you have to tell me before you sleep with me, so I can make my own choices about my sexual risk. I fell apart. I had put him on a pedestal, I had projected all my hopes and dreams onto him, and I forgot to leave him space to be human. I overlooked that mysterious glimmer. It wasn't something special about him, it was his trauma getting triggered and that was his process of hiding it from me.

My dreams were ripped away. And now I was single for the first time in 14 years. My previous relationships had overlapped with each other because I was poly, so I hadn't actually been fully single in that long. It was terrifying, but I wouldn't settle. I wouldn't make excuses. I let him show me who he was, and I couldn't be with him. We didn't talk for a month. Then we slowly started talking again. This led to seeing each other again every once in a while. And something strange happened.

He was no longer mysterious. I saw him for exactly who he was. He wasn't hiding anything anymore. He was open, honest, vulnerable even. He was afraid of losing this precious gift. He didn't even know why, there was something about us that he would risk everything for now. He was ready to put it all on the line and maybe even look like a fool. And these actions showed me something, too. They showed me that he was not just his words, but that he backed them up with his actions. He took big leaps in his own healing, he prioritized his healing, he stopped lying to himself and to me about his true character. And then I took the biggest risk of all...

Something I could never have imagined doing when I was younger. Something that the magazines and self-help books and Instagram influencers would call me crazy for. I forgave him and I took him back. I knew it was a risk, I knew he could lie again. I knew I might even regret that decision. But I was willing to risk it all for even just a chance at bliss. I was willing to look like a fool to my friends and family for the off chance that bliss was hiding here. And I did something I had never fully done before. I forgave a man who had hurt me. My deepest trauma triggered, and I forgave it.

Even if this turns out to be a mistake (which it's been 2 years since then, and we are doing even better than ever!), I will not regret taking this chance to find bliss. I will never regret going all in and looking like a fool. But I think I would regret not finding out. I think he would regret not finding out. Because the connection we have is something that we both dreamed of. We are each other's best friends, our sex is incredible, we are vulnerable and open, we create polarity, we have the same dreams, we like to have fun in similar ways. He is truly one of my favorite people in the whole world and I love spending all the time I can with him! And when our skin touches and we get to hold each other, that is bliss.

Bliss is not some fleeting emotion. It is a state of being. It is intangible, yet all consuming. It lights up everything in its path. It is mind blowing, and indescribable at the same time. It goes deeper than surface level and touches our souls. It is worth taking every risk to find. It is worth leaving something mediocre for the unknown. It is worth quitting your job. It is worth looking like a fool. It is worth it even if you fail over and over again in your search.

And remember that your path will certainly look different from mine. Sometimes the risk is forgiving someone, and sometimes it's moving on for good. Only you can know. Remember to follow their actions and not their words. Let them show you that they are worth taking the risk for. And don't be afraid to change your mind. Some people will never truly change to allow that bliss to flow. You have to trust your gut, even when it hurts the most.

We only get this one life right now. We only get this moment here. Don't let anything stop you from your quest to find it and keep it. Bliss is the path to your liberation and authentic expression. Bliss is also not necessarily found in another person. That is one way, but bliss can be found alone, too. I beg you, risk everything in your pursuit of it. Risk forgiving someone, risk loving someone, risk loving yourself, risk questioning everything you've been taught. There is no risk not worth taking. On your death bed I want you to die happy knowing that you risked it all for bliss.

And honestly, it can be tough to face your triggers when you find it. I use a combination of ancient Tantra tools combined with cutting edge somatic healing to bring your whole-life liberation through your sexuality in my coaching container, custom private workshops, and Temple of Bliss membership program. Check out all my offerings and get in where you can. Investing in yourself is work the risk of finding and holding on to bliss.

INSPIRED ACTION: Do you have regrets? It's ok, we all make many mistakes on this path. Notice what it feels like to have those regrets if you do. Notice how they feel and remember this feeling when you are faced with that risk again. You make the rules in your own life, remember that. You can choose anything you want.