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  • Writer's pictureLona

Playing With My Edges at Soulplay

Lona playing with her edges at Soulplay

The whole trip started with a bang that led into many firsts for me! It was most certainly NOT our first van trip a long way away to a festival! But that's about the only thing we had going for us! We were headed to teach at Soulplay, a conscious festival in Northern California that's made up entirely of workshops all day and night! It was a dream festival to be teaching at! And I got to have my love, Sweet Potato, right there by my side! Then the van started smoking like a chimney and we were stranded in the tiny town of Grants Pass, Oregon. This was our first edge of the week. A week that would culminate in us both fucking different people. But let's start at the van breaking down!

As soon as it started breaking down, we both switched from woo woo land thoughts and pool parties to let's get this fixed asap! We both calmly weighed the options, found a solution, and settled into the fact that we were going to miss the first day of the festival, which was Thursday afternoon. Now, Sweet Potato and I have dealt with many issues in our 3.5-year connection, and this is one of the reasons I love him so much. I'm kind of used to previous partners freaking out when things go sour. Yelling, making a scene, lamenting the loss of what could have been, constant complaining, blaming. But the way Sweet Potato handles pressure is beautiful. Logical, factual, and compassionate. He cares about me in ways I couldn't even imagine in previous relationships.

We quickly accepted that it would take all day Thursday to get fixed thanks to the amazing mechanic we happened to be closest to when we broke down! And we decided that instead of stressing all day about the car, we would check out the little town. Our mechanic suggested the jetboat excursion and we signed up for the next tour! It was SO much fun! we jetted around the Rogue River to Hellgate Canyon. We laughed, I lost a hat, and Sweet Potato held my little hand the whole time! Instead of this being a distraction from missing a day at Soulplay, it was genuinely a lovely time where we grew even deeper in our love for each other.

At 10:30pm Thursday the van was fixed, and we jetted off a few more hours that night so we could wake up early and finish the last few hours to Soulplay! We arrived Friday morning with plenty of time to drop in and get comfy before my first workshop, Open Your Heart! It was in one of the smaller workshop spaces, but we packed that little place with seekers of open hearts and found such beauty in the connections!

One of the coolest parts of Soulplay is the nighttime workshops! We did "Playing with Power" and got to explore both sides of the power dynamic in public! It was so cute! Normally I'm the sub/baby and he's the Dom/Daddy so it was adorable to see how baby wanted to Dom Daddy. It was all so cute! and we cuddled all night talking about how much fun we had in the workshop!

Then my big workshop was next, Sex Magick! This one was in one of the two largest workshop areas at Soulplay and people were pouring in! We absolutely packed that venue to the max! I would guess there were 175-200 people in that workshop! My biggest audience yet! What a first to experience this with Sweet Potato as my assistant! And Sex Magick is a tough one to hold! There's lots happening, and it gets kind of sexual but there's no sex in the workshop so it's not super sexual! There's lots of questions! And I had to do it in a shorter amount of time than I would have preferred! But damn was it sweet!

The rest of the weekend people were coming up to me telling me about their experience and sharing all the love! Including one delightful guy who found me at dinner and wanted to talk about everything. He was adorable, and so eager, and asked so many amazing questions and the conversation kept going deeper. Then my next first came up! He wanted to know if we could connect more physically. Now, in most situations I would decline, since I was the teacher and this was a student. There's a power dynamic at play as the teacher and I have resolved in the past not to step over that line. However, Soulplay had made some things very clear. 1. That students and teachers could connect. And 2. That you need to have a consent conversation around this power dynamic to make it happen.

I want to applaud Soulplay for having this training for teachers. I had never been trained on how to have these power dynamic conversation, and they sent out some amazing information on how to have them. So, I opened up the inquiry into the power dynamic, and this amazing guy actually thought about it and determined that he wasn't ready to connect on that level. I seriously am so proud of him for taking it all into account and choosing to not go deeper. What a guy!

But honestly, the whole conversation felt so empowering that I was on fire! The late-night workshop we decided to attend that night was called the Garden of Delights, a delicious workshop designed by the Bonobo Network, a sex positive group in the Bay Area. This one expanded through the night until we got to a group of 4 people, and each person would get to negotiate what they wanted the other 3 to do to them for 5 minutes. Yummy! I had been feeling the Goddess desire to be worshipped. So, I told them they could touch my whole body and worship her through me.

It was as sexy as it sounds! 3 men worshipped the Goddess and massaged her and bit her (you had to keep bottoms on for all workshops in Soulplay), and kissed her, and whispered delightful things in her ears! It was magical! The Goddess was very into it! So, when they opened up the room for people to make requests for what they wanted I stood up and said this, "My name is Lona, and the Goddess desires to be worshipped. You can touch me anywhere and I'll be laying right over here." This was a HUGE first for me! I had never claimed I wanted Goddess worship to a room of 200 people, I had never blanket consented to all touch from anyone in the room (knowing my bottoms would stay on). I had never felt so fucking empowered to be the Goddess.

Over the next hour, 12+ people (mostly men) came up to worship her. Massaging my feet and body, licking, sucking, and biting my skin, gently caressing me, running their nails over me. Everything but kissing my lips, I chose I wouldn't do that because that would send my energy out instead of in. So, I just received! There were men all around me for the whole time. I got flogged, then got some aftercare from the next guy. It was truly magical, and my energy was flowing through my whole body! Electric shocks were running all around my skin and I was utterly exhausted.

I decided to get up and find my way back to the van, I looked around briefly at the emptying room of people and couldn't find Sweet Potato. He had also stood up and offered flogger massages to the room, and I knew that would have been popular. Maybe he connected with someone and left. I was dazed so I wandered back to the van and crashed alone. Around 5am I heard him open the van door and get in. He was all sorts of giddy! He connected with lots of lovely people at the workshop and the final one was a juicy sex witch that was DTF.

Sweet Potato and I had talked many times about our desires to fuck other people, and how that would work. We practice no rules poly, but the only actual rules are around safer sex. Sweet Potato has also broken these rules before, and we broke up for a year because of it. I've written all about this rupture and repair process before and suffice it to say that we have built up SO much trust and respect for each other since then. But we hadn't actually hooked up with other people since we got back together. We have been spending the past year and a half getting to this place so that we could safely, securely, and openly do exactly what happened.

He worked within our safer sex rules, he was sweet and caring when he told me, he was really excited about how it happened. And there were moments of fear that came up in me when he told me. Moments that took me back to when he lied. And we were able to talk through those as well. We had an amazing, and powerful conversation about him having sex with someone else. So amazing that I actually felt closer to him afterwards. What a dream!

We woke up on the final day of Soulplay ready to see where this all goes! The final day is more focused on dancing and pool parties! We danced and went to the pool party and this day I was so juiced up for Sweet Potato's ventures that I was so turned on. Plus, I was ovulating and felt so sexy and juicy! So, in the pool I made out with 3 guys. It was SO much fun to just flirt and be sexy and make out. Then we left those amazing grounds and headed for San Francisco. I was dropping Sweet Potato off at the airport and staying another week to explore.

And here comes my next first! After I dropped him off, I was faced with solo van life in a brand-new city! I had to find a spot that was safe and free, and just be with myself all alone out there! This was its own new adventure. I have traditionally been afraid to be alone. Afraid of the thoughts, afraid for my safety, afraid of what I'll do. But through years of somatic and Tantric practices I've become so much more at peace with myself when I'm alone. I've spent a tremendous amount of time alone now, and find love, and joy in it now.

But luckily, I wasn't going to be alone every moment! Because I had two dates planned! Two of the guys who worshipped the Goddess, and made out with me in the pool wanted to meet up in SF. I agreed to the dates, and had an amazing time with the first one. I ended up getting to use the power dynamic consent conversation again and it went really well! He didn't find any way it was influencing him and we made out all night!

The next date was a couple days later, and a whole new first got to be experienced! So, I literally teach a consent course (called Conscious Touch) and find that in consent conversations in general I am the lead. This guy had an even more in depth way to have consent conversations and I was blown away! I got to experience what it's like to be lead through a consent conversation and have it be a really beautiful and open experience! We even got to talk about the power dynamics, and luckily, he wasn't even in any of my workshops, so it was a lot easier!

We actually had a lovely time connecting and parted as friends. One thing that was a first for me as well was that in our consent conversation we talked about how to follow up with each other. And I said it was really important that after a few days he check in, so it doesn't feel like he ghosted me, and he did text me later, and it all felt so relaxed and easeful! I'm so proud of knowing myself so well that I knew to ask for that! What a fun and sexy experience to have a casual fling that was utterly consensual! And Sweet Potato loved hearing every safe and sexy detail!

The final leg of my journey was finally upon me. Solo long-ass drive back to Seattle and solo dispersed camping in the woods!!!! This was actually the scariest part of the whole trip for me! Not getting stranded on the road, not teaching to 200 people, not fucking someone new, but sleeping alone in the woods! I had done dispersed camping many times with my trailer, but always had someone else there! I drove to Mount Shasta and found a forest service road and starting going up. About 3-4 miles off the main highway I found a cozy little spot. I tried to spend some time outside of the van but kept getting scared of wildlife, or humans creeping up. All in all, only one car ever drove by me all night. It was wild being out there alone, but I stayed all the way until morning and left with a smile in my heart knowing that I can do anything I set my mind to!

This trip was actually really amazing! Sweet Potato and I are closer than ever after having such a sexy weekend! I feel empowered in my Goddess energy! I know I'm an amazing teacher to be able to hold that space with so many students with such a tough topic! I know that I'm courageous and can do things even when I'm afraid. This was my first time in San Francisco and teaching at Soulplay! This was actually the first trip I've ever taken fully funded by my business as well!!! And I'm so wildly proud of myself and all I've done. I have to take a moment to see that this is the dream I've been having. I'm literally living my dreams in bliss and love and joy! And I'm so happy to be living this wonderful life. Especially with my Sweet Potato.

INSPIRED ACTION: When's the last time you had a big first? Are you still doing things that challenge you and make you scared? Or are you living cozy in your comfort zone? There's nothing wrong with the comfort zone, but it can become a cage if you don't venture out every once in a while!

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5 days ago

My partner and I attended your Sex Magick workshop and it was a profound and exciting workshop for each of us. You inspired me to now be reading Urban Tantra and have shared my desire to deepen my understanding of Tantra with my partner and our poly partners.

I loved reading about your broader experiences and so glad you enjoyed Bonobo's Garden of Delights party - it was a good time - as well as our beautiful City by the Bay. Hope to cross paths again soon.


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