The pleasure was building in my root and starting to get intense. I quickly started to breathe it up into my heart where it expanded and gave tingles through my nipples. My back arched as the pleasure was spreading through my body. Instead of focusing on getting to orgasm as quickly as possible, I wanted to make it last as long as I could. I do this by using Tantric energy work. Through this practice I've discovered how to tune in to my authentic pleasure, and move away from performative, or habitual pleasure.
Habitual pleasure could describe my self pleasure path before I started practicing Tantra. Heavy vibrators, huge dildos, and a focus solely on orgasm was how I liked my pleasure. And there's nothing wrong with vibrators or huge dildos or orgasms, but I had gotten into a rut when it came to my pleasure. My orgasms weren't as satisfying anymore. Sure, they were intense, but fleeting. As soon as one ended I wanted more and more and more and no matter how many I got they never felt like they quenched my desire.
The first Tantra-based book I ever got was called Urban Tantra by Barbara Carrellas. I think it's a great initiation into Neo Tantra pleasure practices. And in this book, she teaches Tantric energy work and moving away from orgasm as a goal. When I first read this, I was like, but I love orgasm, I could never give that up!! But she's wasn't trying to get you to give it up, orgasm was still welcome and celebrated, but the intent goal of orgasm was what she wanted you to move away from. It took me MANY attempts to understand why.
Because when your goal for pleasure is orgasm, you disconnect from the moment-to-moment bliss that is connected to the pleasure. Instead of a 20-minute practice being about exploration, discovery, and sensation it turns into a chase to the finish line and some desired outcome for later. But, by returning over and over to the sensations, you allow every single second of the experience to be joyful.
When you learn how to spread energy to your entire body, so the orgasm isn't centered in the root, but expanded through your body then you can tune in to your most authentic pleasure experience! Authentic pleasure can be found in every cell of your body, not just your pelvis. You may have never experienced anything like this before. And Tantric energy work is the method to moving that potent root energy to every part of you, bringing you into deeper alignment with authentic pleasure instead of destination pleasure.
Here's a Tantric energy work initiation practice that anyone can start to use in their self-pleasure even if you've never worked with your energy before!
The first step is to start to tune in to your energy. The main tip here is that where attention goes energy flows. So, start by focusing on the sensations in your chest. Try to let every other focus melt away so that you are focusing 100% of your attention in your chest. Wait a minute and see what sensations arise. Don't talk yourself out of whatever comes up. Just tune in. You might feel tingles, or heat, or cool. It might feel heavy or light. Expanded or contracted. Everyone feels energy differently, so don't try to feel a certain way. Simply tune in to feel the sensations. You can try this on different parts of the body to see if you can tune in to the sensations over and over. Hands and feet are often easy ones to start with as well.
Then I want you to start searching for pleasure in your body. Maybe soft touch on your lips is pleasurable. Notice the sensations of the pleasure. Maybe your nipples being pulled in pleasurable, focus all your attention on the nipples and notice the sensations of pleasure. Does it feel expansive, tingly, warm? Let it be anything. Maybe your pussy or cock wants pleasure. Go there and without falling into your habitual pattern of pleasure, just search for what feels lovely. No goal in mind, just focusing on finding pleasure. Notice the sensation of this pleasure.
Start to really build up the pleasure, especially in the genitals, so that it starts to feel intense, but don't go over into orgasm just yet. If you feel yourself getting close to an orgasm, then back off on the touching for a minute and focus on the sensations. Pleasure ignites energy. So, really focus on the pleasure and you'll notice the energy become more apparent. Does it feel like water running, thunder and lightning, or maybe heat and fire? Any sensation is welcome here, just keep tuning into it.
When you feel like there a lot of sensation in the root, keep pleasuring yourself and start to focus on your heart center. Where attention goes, energy flows so this intense energy in your root will naturally start to travel up to the heart if that's where your attention is placed. Keep pleasuring without orgasming and focusing on the heart. Notice what sensations arise in the heart, breasts, or nipples as you do this. Then notice what sensations have changed in the root. I often find it becomes less intense in the root because the energy is traveling up to the heart. This is a great thing, because then you can go further into the pleasure!
Picture it like two glasses of water. One is the root, the other is the heart. If we fill up the root glass with juice all the way, then you go over into orgasm and the glass empties. But if we fill the root glass halfway, then pour that glass into the heart glass, you can fill up the root over and over and over. This means you'll be able to access much more pleasure than if we were limited by the capacity of the root glass alone. Now picture all 7 major chakras as glasses you can fill up with pleasure! Plus, by doing it without rushing to orgasm you give yourself more time to enjoy and live in the pleasure, which will help you learn about your authentic pleasure, not just your orgasm.
This practice can bring you into deeper alignment with your body, your energy, and your pleasure. Then from this place of connection and pleasure, orgasm is usually inevitable. Relax in knowing that orgasm can arise from this place of embodied pleasure and energy. And celebrate orgasm when it comes. There's no shame in having an orgasm earlier than you planned. This is a practice, and you don't have to be perfect!
If you want to learn what authentic pleasure feels like, then learning Tantric energy work can help you find new levels of bliss. Try this practice several times to get the hang of it and take it easy on yourself when you first learn. This isn't about perfection. It's about exploration and curiosity. It's about learning a new skill so that you can discover more about the pleasure that already exists within you. And what is life if you're not in continual exploration?
And if you're interested in being lead in more practices like this then maybe one of my workshops would be for you! I offer them live in Seattle and Bremerton, WA, or you can book a private workshop that we can do live or via video chat. See the Private or Public Workshop tab of this website for more information.
INSPIRED ACTION: Give this a try and keep a journal about your experience. You may discover that you have a totally new relationship to pleasure after even just a few attempts!