I inhaled deeply, eyes closed, mouth relaxed open, hands finding pleasure. I exhaled even deeper, sighing heavily, back arching, head falling back. With each breath I surrendered more deeply into the practice of finding pleasure. No goal, no intention but to find pleasure in each second. As I inhaled again, I watched a ball of energy moving up my spine, as I exhaled, I watched it fall like a waterfall back down. Breathing and moving and sounding and energy working. A delightful treat in my day. And with each breath, moving the intensity of the pleasure to my whole body. I get asked a lot in the coaching about finding more pleasure. Here's my advice.
Through Neo Tantra I've learned so much about whole body surrendered pleasure. And it's simpler than you might think. Definitely harder in practice, especially moving in the opposite direction of your current pleasure practice, but simple nonetheless. So, my first advice is to start with a beginner's mind. Come to pleasure with no expectations, no ingrained patterns, no automatic responses. Come to pleasure with the mind you may have had when you first started exploring pleasure. With a curiosity, a playfulness, a relaxed attitude with no particular goal in mind. That doesn't mean you shouldn't orgasm but leave that goal behind so you can surrender and explore in the moment instead of waiting for a certain moment to come.
This is often the hardest principle to undertake. No goal. Because you likely have many goals when it comes to your current pleasure ritual. There might be time constraints, volume controls, orgasm requirements, sensation chasing, and on and on and on. So, letting these go so that you can start to surrender to the moment and explore from there is pretty difficult at first. I know, because this was my biggest hurdle. Let go of orgasm?! No way! Isn't that the whole point? But you're not letting go of the orgasm, welcome it when it does come! You're just letting go of the goal of it, letting go of the requirement of it, so that you stop chasing that singular moment, and drop into what pleasure is available to you in this second. I promise that if you're focused on pleasure for long enough, orgasm will naturally, easefully follow.
So, beginner's mind and no goal. Now what? Now bring in the breath. I like to start with breath to really awaken the whole body, mind, and nervous system to this moment. You can start sitting or lying down, and start to breathe into your genitals. Breathing deeply into your pussy or cock, and visualizing or feeling the breath going in and out of that space. Use a slower breath, really elongating it. And focusing your attention on the genitals filling and relaxing. Do a few minutes here, you don't have to time it, but just feeling into when the whole body, mind, and nervous system start to wake up.
Now you focus on pleasure. Turning yourself on, but not with your usual go-to moves. Asking yourself "where is pleasure in my body?", then exploring. It can be in your pussy or cock, or it can be in your nipples, or fingers or toes. It could be in your lips, cheeks, and ears. Maybe it's in your thighs. Exploring your whole body, not just focusing on one area. But not being afraid of that one area either. The most nerve ending are probably in your pussy or cock, and that's something to be celebrated! Go there! Enjoy it! And also search for pleasure in other places, too.
Once you're starting to really get turned on, I want you bring the breath back in. Searching for pleasure and breathing in and out of that pleasure. Go slowly at first. Not rushing to a goal but relaxing into the moment-to-moment bliss. Now bring in some movement if you haven't already. Maybe rocking your hips forward and back or getting on your hands and knees and making circles with your hips, or maybe laying on your side and arching your back and rounding it. Try a new position, remembering the beginner's mind and exploring. Then bring in sound. On the exhale, let some sound out. Let it be natural, not forced. And don't be afraid of it. If you're the kind of person who doesn't really make a lot of noise in pleasure, then I challenge you to let some out. By opening the throat chakra, you open the whole body to more energy flow. Let it be loud sometimes and elongated. Pleasure, breath, movement, and sound all together!
Eventually the pleasure will feel very high, like an 8.5/10, if 10 is orgasm. It will start to feel intense in your pussy or cock. This is when energy comes in. The number one rule in energy work is that where your attention goes energy flows. So, when it starts to get intense, I want you to move your attention up to your crown chakra at the top of your head. Focusing your entire attention as much as possible on the crown. Don't fall over into orgasm, slow down if you need to, and feel what it's like to have the attention, the energy, at your crown. It's much easier to feel when you're flowing with pleasure.
Then let the attention fall back to the root, the genitals. Letting pleasure build here, but not going over into orgasm yet. Then focusing on the crown. Letting the pleasure build at the crown, enjoying it from beginner's mind again. Then focusing on the root again. Maybe even cycling up and down with the breath. Inhaling and moving the attention up the spine to the crown, exhaling and moving the attention back to the root with an audible sigh. Slow down if you ever need to so you can stay here even longer. Remembering, even though it will be difficult now, that you aren't chasing an orgasm, but enjoying the pleasure that's all over your body.
Then, eventually it will all be too intense all over, and your body will naturally fall into orgasm. Enjoy it. Breathe with it. Love it. Surrender into it. That may be really ecstatic surrender full of primal movement, or it may be relaxed surrender. Let it be whatever it wants. Remembering the beginner's mind again, and exploring the point of orgasm with curiosity, not expectation. This orgasm could feel similar to other ones you've had, or it could feel different. Neither is right or wrong but enjoy it for what it is! Then after, relax into stillness and silence. Move into a meditative space and spend several minutes there in total relaxation and surrender. Allowing yourself to open up to whatever messages, sensations, or emotions want to arise.
When I started this practice some years ago, I found that my orgasms changed. I thought I was already having intense, incredible orgasms, and I was. But these were different. These were full body, these were transformational, these were an allowing instead of a contracting. These were more satisfying, more delicious, more freeing. What I started to learn was what my body really wanted. Instead of going to a vibrator for an expected contraction I was using pleasure to explore and expand. Sometimes the orgasms weren't as intense, but they were definitely more fulfilling and rewarding. They were orgasms I thought about long after they were done. They were orgasms that started to heal the pain in my whole body. They didn't leave me needing more and more and more but left me gratified and juicy and ready to experience more of life!
This is the power of whole body pleasure using breath, movement, sound, and energy to curiously explore pleasure from the beginner's mind. And it's available to anyone who wants to try. Sometimes there's something in the way of your full surrender, something objecting to it, or afraid of it, or resisting it. Sometimes you need deeper work elsewhere to find this kind of pleasure. In my coaching container I work with you to find those conscious and unconscious blocks so that you can find whole body, epic pleasure freely. Check it out here: www.lonateachesbliss.com/coaching
INSPIRED ACTION: Give this practice a try for a week, replacing your normal pleasure with this. Let go of the expectations and goals. Surrender to the pleasure. Enjoy it, even if you "fail". There is no failure in this practice, only exploration, play, and curiosity.